Well, I certainly did on many levels, but let me tell you how it happened in my career before I found RTT, and how I managed to break the circle.
I used to work in the cultural field, and the job itself was great most of the time, because I got to travel, meet with fantastic people, artist, watch performances etc. but the circumstances were far from ideal. Soon enough I found myself doing things that I didn’t necessarily agree with, taking up way more tasks than my role required for zero compensation, paying advances from my own pocket, being yelled at on a regular basis etc. while I kept telling myself that if I did better, if I had more experience, better skills, more confidence, I would get more appreciation, respect and I would be treated the way I deserve to be treated. So I did work harder, studied more to enhance my skills, but it didn’t result in having more appreciation, it just became the new norm. After a while I quit.
Then I went back again thinking that this time I have more experience, I am going to stand up for myself, I am going to show how worthy my work is, I learnt my lesson, it will be different. Well…it worked for 2 weeks, then I found myself following the same old patterns. Doing things that I did not agree with, taking up way more tasks than my role required, paying advances from my own pocket…So that didn’t quite work out. After a while I quit.
I felt that I need a change of air, moved abroad thinking that I am in a totally different environment now, I have more experience, I learnt my lesson, I am going to stand up for myself this time no matter that the circumstances are the same.
How do you think it ended?
You know the drill by now, it didn’t quite work out either, and on the top of that, instead of being appreciated for the extra work I’ve done, I got told off when I asked for compensation, and things got ugly.
In the meantime, I discovered RTT, and through that I learnt a lot about how our mind works, how it likes what is familiar over what is unfamiliar or unknown thus scary, so it really moves us towards the familiar situations no matter if that situation is a crappy one or not.
And now I understand that every time I went back, I wanted to change the ending of the story. I went back to the same old not so ideal but familiar circumstances, wanting to prove myself, and show that this time it will be different, because I am more skilled, more experienced, more confident, it should give me a different result, but it didn’t, because we must change the beginning.
I shouldn’t have gone back in the first place because I worth way more than that, and I am actually enough the way I am, I don’t have to earn my enoughness or my worthiness by someone, a boss or a superior or anyone, it is not even possible. I had to change that initial thought I had, that I am not enough, not experienced enough, skilled enough, confident enough and RTT was a mind-blowing (literally) tool that helped me identify where these thoughts are coming from, their origin, how I ended up having them…so with that understanding I could have changed them.
And we all can do that, we all can get rid of these negative thoughts and beliefs that are just holding us back, because at the end of the day, the only control we have is really over our own mind, our own thoughts.
We can’t control the weather, what virus is circulating currently or whether we are in a so-called financial winter or spring. BUT what we can control is our thoughts, how we interpret things. Everything begins and ends with a thought. What happens in between pretty much depends on that original thought, because our thoughts affect our feelings, and how we feel affects how we behave, how we act, what we do or don’t do. How we behave, how we act influences or events, the situations that we find ourselves in, the situations from what we draw conclusions about ourselves, and then we use these conclusions to justifies that very original thought.
So if I think that I am not good enough in what I am doing, maybe I’m not worthy of recognition, respect, or any kind of compensation, it makes me feel anxious, stressed when it comes to a confrontation with my boss. Feeling anxious, having doubt about deserving that compensation, I won’t really argue long enough to make my point, but just say ok, let’s leave it for now after the first counterargument.
While if I am certain that I am good enough in what I am doing, that I deserve to be heard and respected, I deserve this compensation, it makes me feel good, confident, and eager to stand up for myself because I know I deserve it. So when it comes to a confrontation, I’ll speak up and not let the topic go away until we come to an agreement. Then I got my result, which justifies my original thought that I am doing a good job and deserve this recognition. Sounds much better, right?
What are your looping thoughts that stand on your way?